Alison Sarah Pym - Thérapeute Relationnelle

Building confidence

Most of us have heard it millions of times:
“To get such and such you need to be more confident”.

While that’s true, and very cliché, it’s quite obviously not that simple and thus completely useless advice.

Furthermore, you may not even agree with the fact that you are giving a “less confident” vibe.

Keep in mind that your friends and family most likely only want the best for you when they say this. (can you feel a “but” coming?)

BUT, this is probably only enhancing the supposed lack of confidence. It’s a twisted version of the Pygmalion effect. They tell you to be more confident, that means you’re not confident, so you act less confidently?

Consider this, they may think that what you are doing seems unconfident, but actually you are completely at your ease? Confidence looks different to different people. And maybe when they tell you “you don’t look confident” is just a reflection on them…?

Nonetheless, we are not here to talk about your friends, we are here to talk about you.

Instead of flimsy advice, let’s topple it over.

We (you) are going to figure out how to recognise when you’re actually being less confident and how to really deal with that situation, and not “put on a brave face”.

First step: Ask yourself, what does confidence look like for you?
Not “this person seems confident, and they do this”. No, I mean, when do you feel completely yourself in a social setting? Is it in a bar? Is it playing games? Is it working out? There are nearly 8 billion people on this planet, and as many possibilities.

Second step: How do you act in these settings?
Are you loud? Are you quiet? Are you chatty?

You don’t have to come up with the answers just yet. You can take a few days, observe yourself. Once that’s done. Observe the opposite. When do you feel less yourself? And how do you act?

Yes, being confident equates to being yourself (whatever that may look like). And, at the risk of being redundant; 8 billion people: 8 billion versions of that.

Now here’s the bad news, sometimes you cannot avoid uncomfortable situations. But that’s good! They make you grow! So, in these situations, just find someone (can be a friend, can be a stranger) to tell “hey, I’m not at my ease right now, can I take a minute to be myself with you”? And just ease into it. It sounds like madness, but people always respond well to this type of strength. As soon as you start, your beautiful light will shine through and the rest is history.

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