Alison Sarah Pym - Thérapeute Relationnelle

Love Languages

There are five love languages :

  • Kind words (you appreciate compliments and words of encouragement)
  • Services rendered (you love when people do things that make your life easier)
  • Quality time (you need to spend time with your loved ones)
  • Gifts (you like those small objects that show they care)
  • Touch (you can’t imagine life with cuddling at least)

Gary Chapman has written an amazing book about love “the five love languages”, and since then there have been many interpretations of what these are, and how to find romantic bliss through these.
So here’s my take :

There are as many love languages as there are people, nay, relationships.

I came to this conclusion one night during a tantric retreat (but more on tantra later).

Let’s say you identify your love language as “touch”. Now, imagine your past romantic relationships, and current friendships etc. Do you cuddle with everybody the same amount? You might have friends that hate physical contact, does that change the way you see them?

Or, let’s say that you identify your love language as “kind words”, does that mean that you are 100% fulfilled if your loved ones text you all day how amazing you are, but you never see them?

Last example, if you feel like you really need help sometimes, does that mean you don’t need anything else?

Do you see where I’m getting at?

For some people it might well be that there is only one “clear cut” love language. But for most it’s a variety and combination. Not to mention the fact that the subcategories are just as important as the bigger categories themselves.

One person may be very happy by hearing “you’re beautiful” but another may not care, and would rather here “you’re very clever/funny/kind/insightful etc”.
One person may love to go to the theatre, but another would way prefer going to a sporting event or go through with some sort of physical activity.

One person may really appreciate someone hoovering the house, but may enjoy folding the laundry themselves.

Lastly, what is true when you’re 20, isn’t necessarily true when you’re 30 or 40 or 50 and so one.

Unlike your mother tongue, contrary to popular belief, your love language isn’t set it stone. It looks different depending on who you’re with and when.
They key to a successful relationship is to (you’ve guessed it) communicate, express your needs, your desires, and what those look like right now.