Alison Sarah Pym - Thérapeute Relationnelle

What makes a relationship work

In love, everyone has their own recipe for moving forward. One of the tools is to be vulnerable with your partner.

It’s not about being weak, but simply about showing the sides of ourselves that we are a little ashamed of, to create intimacy with our partner.

Here is an example of a couple’s evolution to illustrate this idea so that you can apply the same techniques to you (these are real people but the names and details have been changed for confidentiality reasons), Loraine (53) and Nicolas (57):

They are a couple who formed in the late 80’s, today they have been together for about 35 years. When they talk about what works for them, there can be a multitude of reasons.

At first they found each other beautiful and interesting, which allowed them to court each other. Then they realised that they had similar projects and ambitions, which allowed them to become a couple.

But in reality, both have interests that are completely different from each other. This highlights two fundamental things.

To love the actual person and not just the appearance.

Loraine and Nicolas have learned to go beyond appearances, i.e. what they appear to be and the different activities they undertake.
They looked for the values of the other and to discover the deepest aspects of their beings.

In fact, the deep values can be the same but are translated differently, it is on this that it is healthier to join, and not just the surface.
In their case it is about family values.

Vulnerability

Thanks to this quality, they have indeed built a family and a home.
And when the difficult phases came, they knew how to fight for their story.

For example, Nicolas says that it was when he saw Laurence pregnant with his children, in the difficult moments of the pregnancies, in the pain etc. that he fell even more in love with her. It was when he saw that she was going through difficult phases that he found all her beauty.

Furthermore, following a period of burn out from which she came out with flying colors, he says he admires her strength in surviving life’s obstacles, and it is by building together that they become closer.
Similarly, the best qualities Loraine finds in her husband are not related to his professionalism, but to his ability to listen. He is very present for her, but she readily admits that she feels close to him when he needs her.

She recounts a time when the couple was not getting along and what got them through this phase was when she told him that she felt he was hiding everything from her, that they were not communicating.
She needed to know that he had times when he wasn’t well so she could feel better about herself when she wasn’t well.

But know that rough patches in relationships are normal! There are ups and downs, hang in there 😉

Top tips for the end : 
A successful couple regularly ask themselves the following questions:
– How to seduce him/her?
– How to respond to his/her love language?

And that’s it! That’s all for today. Beautiful day to you.

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