Alison Sarah Pym - Thérapeute Relationnelle

Why doesn’t he/she love me?

“He won’t tell you he loves you until he proves he loves you.” This is the phrase I heard a woman say to her friend, and it makes so much sense.

Let’s imagine a couple. Thing1 loves Thing2 because Thing1 loves the image Thing2 gives them of themselves. But in the end, we love people who give us a good image of ourselves, don’t we? And our relationships evolve according to how we feel with these people, according to the image that these people give us of ourselves. It’s only a perception.

Thing1 loves Thing2 because in their eyes (beyond being “beautiful” and “intelligent”) Thing1 is interesting, bubbly, adventurous, brave and ambitious. And Thing1 is all of these things because Thing2 allows them to do so, and even encourages them to be as such.

The problem arises because Thing1 doesn’t let Thing2 act. Thing1 takes on too much and holds Thing2 back, not giving them a good impression of themselves.

Building a good relationship is about letting the person you love love you.

It is by letting Thing2 act in a sparkling, interesting, intelligent way that Thing2 will love Thing1. And it’s the same for you.

When we hear that “love heals” this is what that means. It’s the fact that loving in a healthy way gives us a beautiful image of ourselves and what we are capable of. And when we hear “love yourself and others will love you” it is clumsy. Yes, human beings gravitate towards people with healthy energy. But this healthy energy can only take place with the actions we do towards and for others (and therefore ourselves).
In fact, it is a virtuous circle. I would even say that it is a sine qua none condition.
So it is possible to become aware of this balance and change the situation. And to fall in love, you don’t need to do a lot of time-consuming work on yourself. All we need to do is find a partner who is happy to walk this path with us and give them the opportunity to heal at the same time.

“Let me love you by loving me, and I will let you love me by loving you.

So let’s replace the disgusting phrases such as “make yourself desirable” and “men like to chase” etc. with “make room for this person to love you, and give him or her the opportunity to know what it looks like for him or her”.

It doesn’t matter what age, sex, status etc. Make room for those you love to love you back in their own way.

Top tips : 

  • Rought patches in relationships are nomal! Hold on, communicate.
  • Try finding out what each other’s love languages are, that’ll make the relationship flourish.